The Quest #16: Wobble

Holidays are tough. Lots of family time, long events, distant travel and big money spent. But on the positive side...lots of family time, events, travel and money spent making your loved ones happy. Sure it pisses me off that I'm feeding the corporate beast once again through my credit cards but at least we're bringing joy to the world, right?

Fell off the wagon again but it was about connection this time versus escapism. I'm grateful for life and excited for the year ahead. And I'm only partially talking out of my ass. Life is scary but we carry on and make it thrilling.

Marathon next month that is paid for, god bless you my benefactor, but I'm not prepared for it. We'll train hard and make it to the finish line with a smile.

December 13th, 2024 to January 21st, 2025

Long story short: I became a WFH deadbeat because life got too hard for an emotionally unstable yuppie. Now I'm trying to redeem myself by running a lot and talking about it. Hopefully you find this entertaining enough to subscribe, tell a friend and follow your own Quest.

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Didn't run a single step this month and I've got a marathon in under 30 days.

That doesn't seem promising.

After taking some time off from daily yoga while I was home, warming back up to things with short sessions. Crazy how stiff your body can become from even a few days of not being active. Feeling like I'm coming back into it though.

A picture's worth a thousand words; here's nine.

Spent a lot of time driving this month and dug into the old 90s and 2000s hits. Listened to Christina Aguilera's debut album, Christina Aguilera over and over in the car - it just dripped of that early 2000s era and it was a nice mental reset just to listen to one album all the way through. So good!

Double Toasted is a media review channel on YouTube - excellent cast of people to listen to, funny and in-depth reviews, they're based in Austin which is neat it makes me feel like I'm back in the barbershop listening to characters talk about any and everything for hours. Know what I mean?

Dragon Ball Daima is honestly peak Dragon Ball - Super was a great continuation of the story even if the animation was meh and the fight choreography wasn't as good as Z, but Daima takes the Dragon Ball goofiness and action and modernizes it. By setting it in a new world they can leave a lot of narrative baggage behind while also expanding deeply on the lore. So good!! I still believe Dragon Ball as a whole is one of the funniest media franchises, so it really has it all.

Elden Ring update - finally beat Malenia!! Leveled up to 150, spent time rethinking my strategy and load out, and after fight after fight, finally got lucky and took her down. Felt like kind of a cheap fight, the Waterfowl Dance is truly OP. I used a greatsword, incantations and the mimic tear. I'm trying to find another game to get sucked into but nothing is as playable as this. Also finally got my perfect armor set so I'm feeling like I'll do NG+ after I take down a couple dragons left on the hit list. Restarted FF7 on the Steam Deck, played it a few times but never finished all the way through. Maybe this is the moment, Like A Dragon is too story heavy to focus on while I'm chilling on the couch, which is where I usually play Steam Deck. So I'm saving that for a long trip or something special.

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The Benefits of Running - Running 101 | Sendō

Running is one of the most accessible and effective forms of exercise, offering a multitude of benefits for both physical and mental health.

SendōSchwarz Bruder

Unedited manic ramblings, typically after a run or emotional breakthrough.

12/15/2024

Haven't worked out the last few days but looking forward to using the next week to build up my running discipline.

12/17/2024

"joy de vivre". I overhead someone mention it at Red Bud the other day. It was an older lady in her 50s I'd say, kayaking past me with another female friend of the same age. It appeared she was dating, but felt frustrated that most men seemed to be sad in a sort of way. They didn't have that "joy de vivre", or joy of living, that her female friends had. An active social life, deep interests that connect them with others, constantly on the move and experiencing things. It made me feel a little sad - I can admit I lost my joy de vivre. Even now I'm struggling to get it back. Or if I'm being realistic - I'm trying to really create it for the first time. Finding interests that connect me with others and bring a level of joy and excitement to my life. Still looking for it. I know that running is a part of it. Yoga, as my 'martial art' is part of it too. I love cars and I think embracing that world more frequently will also lead me to that "joy de vivre". I used to fixate on finding that one thing that would give me joy in the real world, but now I'm learning and realizing that it's a mix of everything. I enjoy nature deeply, but I'm not the type that needs to explore the world with others in that way. I'd rather do it solo. But the joy of driving and cars, the joy of training through running, yoga and strength training - and something else...those are the ways I'll awake that "joy de vivre".

What's yours?

12/28/2024

Home for the holidays. Nuff said, right? It's stressful. You've got multiple sides of the family to make happy. A ton of money is spent. People are still disappointed, gifts are returned, the beat goes on. But the older I get, or maybe it's the more 'wise', the more I see the importance of family. I never cared much about it, was embarrassed by my family maybe, trying to run away from who I was and where I came from. But now I want to connect with my family, connect with myself, connect with my wife's family beyond just trying to look good. That sounds a little suss, but you know what I mean right? There's the performative aspect of being with your in-laws on any side: being good and saying all the right things. But now I'm trying to make deeper connections, develop a deeper level of empathy and understanding. Now my role in the social order has changed - I'm not just another kid, I'm becoming a leader in the community. Or rather I'm at the age and mindset where I need to be. It doesn't come naturally to me, but that's not the point - it's about rising to the occasion.

Here's something a bit more interesting - I drove up from Texas to New York. Partially since we'd be home for a couple weeks, but also because now that I want to be closer to family, I wanted to see if there were any cool states that I could vibe with that were under 24 hours of driving back home. We passed through Texas, Arkansas, Tennessee, Virginia, Maryland, New Jersey and New York. Maybe North Carolina for a couple seconds but I'd have to study the map. Honestly though, the only place that spoke to me was eastern Tennessee, closer towards Asheville and up in the Great Smoky Mountains. We started on the western edge of Tennessee, coming over from West Memphis in Arkansas and staying the ngiht in Memphis. Memphis reminded me of Nashville - honestly kind of dirty to be honest with you. All of western Tennessee just feels old and dirty, so I didn't have any expectations for eastern Tennessee. Expectations were definetely blown away, the dpeth and scope of the nature surrounding Knoxville and onwards was so beautiful. Admittedly I saw a lot of it at sunset and night, but the vibes felt really good. Everywhere else we passed through just felt meh.

God willing I could have a home in New York and a home in Tennessee/North Carolina/South Carolina - that little sweet spot of mountain and lake towns surrounded by national forests and other good vibes. I still need my desert energy too, so even though I'm being a little greedy, just need a spot out west somewhere. Maybe I'll keep something in Texas, just further out west. Who knows.

Last note - I'm real rusty interacting with humans, this trip has showed me in so many interactions. But I'm grateful because it's making the lesson clear. The growth continues.

1/2/2025

It's a new year. I'm grateful for these last weeks being back home in New York, it's really shown me how much worse I've gotten at being social and communicative. Turns out that spending nearly all of your time watching YouTube videos with your dog, being stoned, avoiding life and responsibilities, makes you awkward and weird. But this time I'm seeing it all clearly - where I need to go and where I am. I've been moving forward slowly, but now I can see that I need to sprint full speed ahead. I can evolve into a new version of myself. I can create a better life for my family. I can be a leader and a friend. The hero I've been looking for has been me all along.

I think that the potential of Sendō is even greater than I realized - and I'm getting who my target audience is. It's me. It's versions of me. It's people that have been so afraid to be in the real world, that struggle with the real world, that are rusty with communication and connection. That's the world I need to put my energy into.

I've got the marathon coming up in about 6 weeks. I haven't run in ages and I haven't done yoga since being back home. Feeling a little sick, too. Going to dive right back into work in a few days and then it's off to the races.

It's cold as hell in New York. I love the heat and I love Texas. But my family is here. Somehow I need to figure out how I can do it all - locking down a place in the Hudson Valley of New York and a better, warmer place within driving distance. As they say, "I think I can!".

1/06/2025

Traveling across the country back to Texas. Stuck in a winter storm in Ohio, somewhere in Cincinnati I think. Been driving almost nonstop for a day: from Long Island to Putnam County to all of Pennsylvania and midway through Ohio. This country is gigantic. Felt hard on the way up here, even harder on the way back down. But still good to see the country despite the winter storm. Charging an electric car every two hours is a real nightmare though, wouldn't do this again for the next road trip, if I ever have the patience to do this again. Someday we'll make it back to Texas!

In the end though it's been good to reflect on life and the journey during this drive, so I can't complain too much. I've got a big quest ahead of me - not just the running but getting my finances together, pushing myself to grow as a person, making new friends, connecting with old friends, being a better family member and taking control of my destiny. As Schwarz Bruder says, "iron sharpens iron". Being across great strong people reminded me of how much the isolation made me weaker. We carry on.

1/9/2025

Made it back to Texas a few days ago. Man my body hurts from all of that driving but like I mentioned before, it was cool seeing the country again, even if it was mostly from highways and charging stations. Little Rock, Arkansas and Benton, Arkansas (birthplace of Wal-Mart!) was nicer than expected. Texas felt open and free the moment I crossed the border though, and the drive to Dallas felt uplifting. Then of course the Dallas traffic and clusterfuck of highways was gross, but leaving it felt even better. Then finally down to Austin. Makes me really rethink moving back to New York - yes my family is there and that's what my wife wants, but is it the ending that I want? I want to reconnect with family and old friends and build a life somewhere in the middle. I'm just struggling with how to put it all together.

Today was my first yoga session of the year. Only 15 minutes of ashtanga yoga but it's a start. I felt so sore and in pain from all of that driving and even just these 15 minutes made me feel better, stretching truly is key.

And I know I've whiplashed between what car I want next but I decided it's going to be the Tesla Cybertruck. My dream is the Rivian R1T, but to get it exactly the way I want is about $98,000 plus taxes and fees, so really like $110,000. The Cybertruck is an inferior product in every way but it's $85,000 out the door, so I think it'll be a good transition vehicle. I was debating getting a used 2022 R1T, but they've improved the vehicle so much for Gen 2 that I figured I would go straight there. I think Rivian's going to be the future of electric vehicles for me, they have great design, great range, and the CEO isn't a lunatic. I'm not one of those that fixates on Elon, I just truly feel from what I've seen and experienced that the Rivians are truly luxury electric vehicles, while Tesla is basically like the Toyota/Honda of electric vehicles. Nothing wrong with Toyota or Honda, in fact they make incredible vehicles, but Rivian is where I want to be. Of course I wouldn't get a crazy exoskeleton exterior but hopefully wherever I'm living I won't need that. Dream setup would be an R1S, an R1T, and a Ford Mustang GT.

1/21/2025

Wow what a journey. Fell off the wagon this month again, started with a few small hits here and there and back on bad behavior. Missed counseling, stopped working hard, very little yoga and no running. Changed my mind for my next car again: Ford F-150 Lightning. Don't have much else to say but I'm coming out of the mist again. Can't believe I've got to run a marathon in less than a month but failure is not an option.

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