The Quest #19: Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

Ran like hell this chapter. What changed?

I finally decided to be myself. I resented it, avoided it, protested it. Distanced myself from the people that were close to me because I didn't want to be me. But we can't escape who we are in this life, just evolve into the best version of it.

Yeah, duh, but I struggled with wanting to be. Actually believing all of that self-love crap. So maybe it's about having a self-determined purpose. Maybe it's the desire to meaningfully connect with others. Maybe it's truly accepting that it ain't about the stuff, it's about working on yourself.

Through running, the feeling of self-determination gets stronger for me and the desire to run away from my problems gets weaker. I don't enjoy running but I finally realized that's why it's perfect. This is discipline in an accessible form. Through discipline comes strength, through strength comes confidence. Confidence to exist, a confidence to prove your abilities, a confidence to grow and aim even higher.

So I'm running towards the best version of myself. Consistently training and determined to live a life that I'm proud of. Relentless training, effortless action, right?

Back to it.

BTW: I'm releasing short posts between chapters that'll come out on the 15th of every month. I'm writing up reviews, recipes, rants and everything in between. All short, all great. The Review of Elden Ring was the dry run. You'll see. You'll all see!

March 29th, 2025 to April 28, 2025

Long story short: I became a WFH deadbeat because life got too hard for an emotionally unstable yuppie. Now I'm trying to redeem myself by running a lot and talking about it. Hopefully you find this entertaining enough to subscribe, tell a friend and follow your own Quest.

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“Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.”
― Benjamin Franklin

Running felt good this month. Maybe it's because I started training again with gusto but it's gotten easier to run and this Hal Higdon intermediate 5K training plan is a healthy restarting point. I'm going to go through each training plan, each of which is 8 weeks long. 5K>10K>Half>Marathon. By the time I run through each plan, it'll be time for the Austin Marathon. LFG!!! And I'm going to join a run club so I'm a bit more refined by the end of it all.

Only adding this section because I wanted to highlight the Buff Dudes.

Hudson and Brandon White started a YouTube channel years ago where they create all sorts of entertaining fitness and bodybuilding videos, plus excellent training programs and nutrition plans built on decades of experience. Their programs changed my life going all the way back to freshman year of college. I'm restarting my weightlifting journey with their Dumbbells Only Program which I'm trying for the first time. If the Buff Dudes ever see this, you guys rock!!

Check out their plans here. Not getting paid, just loyal to the game.

Pretty good month of yoga. Only did a few super long sessions but the tradeoff is more running so I'm OK with that. The end goal is five day of yoga a week, one of those days being at a studio doing a full-length ashtanga yoga class. The work continues. Yoga helps with running recovery.

A picture's worth a thousand words; here's nine.

Solo Leveling has honestly inspired me to get back on the grind. I know I rotate from fixation to fixation that motivates me to exercise, so this one's the latest and greatest. The premise is that this guy is a total loser, but he gets a second chance at life and takes it and runs with it. By training hard by himself, he becomes great and joins the world with a new crew to fix his life and beyond. Sound familiar? Anyway, its basically a battle anime with some storytelling, "MMO/RPG but in real life" context for the story, you level up and learn new skills and stuff. A lot of stuff you've seen before, but it's by a Korean studio so that's new, and the fight scenes are good. Doesn't hit as hard as JJK or anything like that, but just solid action and close enough to real life to motivate you.

Straight Shooter by Stephen A. Smith was also a real eye-opener. We've got similar backgrounds: the biggest being a first generation American, from a Caribbean family living in New York. The hustle of New York City, the stress it puts you under, the hunger, you ain't in the hood but it ain't the burbs, the insecurity, the freaking hour long commute just to go 20 miles...but beyond that his hustle and struggle in life is tremendous. I know very little about sports but even I've heard of Stephen A. I started to watch him a year or two ago on his YouTube channel just to hear his thoughts about other subjects in pop culture. Honestly it might have been the Diddy stuff, or the election, but he electrified me. The book electrified me too. Yes I can see that he may be a little dramatic, but fuck it he's earned it. The guy has worked hard as hell and for a long time. He deserves all of it. Excellent read. Still not done yet but it left a mark.

Conclave was great. Really good drama and surprisingly funny. Great cast. If you've ever been curious about the inner workings of the Vatican, both location wise, process wise, staff wise, and the selection of a new pope - you'll enjoy it. All around great movie.

Battle! Pokemon Battle Themes...whoever The Zame is, you are a god!!! They do modern versions of the battle themes from all of the Pokemon games. You remember how epic they sounded as kids? They takes it up to eleven - it's still MIDI based, but the guitars are real and absolutely rock, the drums, the basslines, the intensity of it all is dialed in. I don't know musical terms but there's subbeats and tracks going in alongside the main sound. It just sounds layered and epic. There's like seven albums and the artist covers all the main battle themes, and multiple times for the remakes. I'm a Gold and Silver superfan for sure but they're all incredible.

Unedited manic ramblings, typically after a run.

3/30/2025

Spent the day in Georgetown yesterday. Been a long time since I rolled through there. It's basically paradise for retirees, though honestly for young people too. The heart of Georgetown is it's town square, in which the courthouse sits smack dab in the middle of town and every single interesting bar and restaurant in Georgetown exists in that town square and the surrounding side streets. It's perfect honestly - park your car once and you can wander from gift shop to tasting room to ice cream parlor to gift shop to tasting room. Rinse and repeat until you've had enough offers to join wine clubs and it's a short drive back to Austin. There's SO MANY RETIREES. It's inspiring honestly, I haven't seen this level of freewheeling drunk old people since I spent a couple days down in Del Ray Beach in South Florida. That too, is a vibe. The vibe is Broncos, convertible Mustangs, day drinking, cigars, every busker on every corner knows a Billy Joel song. There's plenty of dogs to pet as you get progressively drunker on your loops through the square. I couldn't tell you the same of a single place I went to, but I know the shapes and the character. Irish pub, of course. Tasting rooms times two. One was a hunting goods store that had a bar and grill directly in the middle of it. And of course there's a pot shop. It's even slightly more diverse than you'd expect - as a tourist trap it brings out all shapes and sizes from Austin and Dallas. Almost certainly somebody from Midland, and you'll hear the guys from Houston before you see the Dodge Chargers. It's a chaotic mix of people in a very old timey looking town. It really might be heaven.

3/31/2025

Had a job interview today. Could've gone better but I'm glad I even got the chance to interview in person. It's a barback job, nothing impressive. I just want to learn the skills on how to build a restaurant business from the ground up. But I could've been more personable, I could've answered questions better, I could've asked more. So I'm going to email out a few prayers to big G that I get the job. I've been in Austin for five years and haven't worked a single job here. No matter what, I'm going to change that. But I really just need to interact with humans more and I figured the barback job was a gentle introduction to that world. We'll see.

4/01/2025

Man I've been really doing soul searching lately. But it's good. Like I realized I can't grow any further as I am. Just plain and simple. And the time and patience that people had for me based on who I used to be is almost over, so the next six months are going to be crucial. I'm trying something different too - seems kind of silly but just a meme page on Instagram, like I'm going to generate AI art, get better at creating prompts and crisp artwork, then hopefully someday this is another pathway to selling merch and I can learn some new skills that can translate to whatever job comes next. I'm really trying to double down on refining my creative skills, I've been on autopilot creatively for way too long. Just staying loose and following the weird shit that I already do and like. Had a great late night working session, the portfolio feels so much closer to 100%.

4/06/2025

Looks like I'll have to level up and change much faster than expected. I'll talk more about it when I feel less freaked out. Anywho - I'm determined to create a new life in Austin, Texas. In that way, I am like my parents. There's a world I came from, that I'll have to go back to, but right now this is my path in life. I've got to rise higher. Even with Sendō, I haven't actually lived the principles I've set forth here. I'm still a daily stoner, still not trying hard, still not following my dreams. Still just going with the flow. Incremental progress, so I'm not here to self-hate or self-doubt. But it's been slow. And there's so much to be done. So keep on keeping on, buddy. Can't give up here.

Unrelated but I've been generating art and posting it on Instagram, I think I'm going to let that ride until year end and see how much it grows. That's what I'm realizing - you just got to pick the stuff you're passionate about and go for it. But that's such a generic statement, I guess even deeper than that is that I actually have to think like a business owner and manager instead of the shitty technician I've been. But I have to admit and acknowledge that running away to entrepreneurship is stupid - the work gets even harder there. So just keep in my mind that you're heading towards hard work no matter what. But somehow....I don't know. I made it this far with Sendo, and yes it was just a personal blog, but it's showed me how to stick with something and refine it over time. So I bet I can do the same with a few more things.

--

First run in a while, a nice Sunday afternoon 2-miler. Cold as shit today but felt good to get out there. Now I'm starting to manage my time a bit better. It's good to enjoy the moments of down time if you're consistently busy. So here's to being consistently busy.

Today was the Cap City 10K. Races seem to bring in a lot of money, but it's also a lot of money and work to organize. Makes me think about volunteering for Tejas Trails again....I really have been a coward for most of my life. Or maybe I just fixated on that everything I should be doing should be making me money, but then I didn't do that either, so I might as well just throw myself into the world every day and find new things to enjoy and experience.

4/7/2025

Good yoga session today. Did a decent 2 mile run yesterday. This the only way forward. Going to track my nutrient intake as well. Today's Ensure has been taken.

4/9/2025

I've gotten three runs in so far this week. I restarted Hal Higdon's marathon training plan (Novice 1) but to be honest even three miles hurts like a MF. I might humble myself and go down to a 5K training plan and rebuild the machine from there. No shame in that.

Running again feels good though, not from the actual running itself but forcing myself to do something I don't enjoy makes me stronger. And I guess that's the point of all of this, maybe it's been the point from the beginning. So I'm going to keep hammering away at my destiny.

In my defense I suppose, I'm back to using my running sandals and in East Metro on the super hilly trails. I just like how it feels so much more than sneakers. When it comes to actual races I'll look normal but for now I'm going to keep hammering in my Air Jesuses. The first two miles are torture right now and then I can settle into the suck after that. I think I want to finish Week 1 of Higdon's program and then I'll go back down to a 5K plan. Maybe Nike Run Club but I've learned a lot from them and I can incorporate into my own basic 5K plan. Anyway, still thinking it through.

But overall I'm so proud of how much this website has evolved. My timeline keeps slipping into the future but before now, this would've been insane to share with my "real life" but it's feeling more tangible and intelligent now. I think with another year of posts and consistent training, really dialing in the Research articles, and making our shit entertaining - we will win. I feel anxious as always but the running does quiet that monkey down. I just want to win. I need to win.

4/14/2025

Played a proper round of disc golf yesterday with some friends of friends. Only did 8 holes but it was fun trying something new in public and one of the guys was a legitimate pro and had lots of good tips and feedback. But I'm just an awkward human, so most of my throws were shit and eventually people stopped paying attention when I threw. Always been my issue I guess...if you shrink from life most of the time, when it's your time to shine you're gonna blow it. I was definitely the awkward one of the whole bunch - everyone brought friends and it was just me and my bestie. But we had fun. And again, it's about showing up. I was tired, I knew I'd suck, but the pro made such an effort to invite us, make us feel comfortable, give us tips, lead and read the room...he is inspiring. That's what real leadership is. I can't even show up for myself, let alone family and friends. It was a wakeup call. To find what I'm looking for in this life and pursue it with a bit more pizzazz. Or really any pizzazz. So here's to keep on keeping on. Everyone was great. Everyone was cool. But man I noticed they were passing around geekbars and stuff like that and I was left out. I'm just not cool. I don't think I ever was. But at least working at a nice company gave me some air of mystique, but the positive is that now I'm realizing that I'm the same guy I ever was, but now I gotta work even harder to catch up and go beyond the past. But that's life.

--

Banged out a 3 miler. Starting over with a 5K training plan from Hal Higdon. Didn't feel like complete shit today, didn't get tired till 2.5 miles in. Interesting. Grateful to keep drinking my daily Ensure and keep hitting the workouts. I'm thinking on average, 20+ runs a month is good, so I've got a long way to go.

4/15/2025

Intervals today: 5x400m. I didn't feel comfortable doing it by distance, so instead I guesstimated that it takes me about 4 minutes to run 400m, or a quarter mile, and programmed 4 minute intervals into my watch. 4 minutes of running, 1 minute of walking, five sets. Felt good. I think because I've been drinking the Ensure daily, I don't feel as weak and my legs don't hurt terribly. But my left leg...it still feels like I'm running with a club sometimes. Or rather that I'm putting a lot of weight on my left leg. I thought the golf had caused an injury, but I think it just made a weakness in my left side more apparent. Not sure what it is. But when I'm running slowly, and with headphones in, and on flat pavement, I can see that I'm putting more weight into the left leg. So I have to consciously change that, and run on flat pavement a bit more. I'm a jungle boy for sure, nature trails are the best, but flat ground is showing me some weaknesses.

The road to 100 miles continues.

4/17/2025

Got in run #3 of the week - another 3 miler but I was a little far from home so I did 3.5 miles and set my 2nd fastest time in the 5K according to Strava. Not bad! And speaking of Strava - it recently bought Runna. Runna's main benefit is hyper-customized running plans and their app. But back to my run - didn't feel too bad, last half mile was tough. Ran in sneakers again on flat pavement: definitely easy to dial in my running on concrete. I still enjoy the sandals vibe, just didn't feel like driving out to my training spot recently. Feeling good, feeling strong. Consciously not overusing my left leg and restoring that balance.

Two more runs this week - another 3 miler tomorrow and a 5 miler on Saturday. Keep on keeping on!

Also - I had really been fixated on getting a Surron Light Bee X or Talaria MX5, but I'm now looking at normal eBikes. Something that I'm pedaling on, even a little bit, is probably good exercise for me and they're way cheaper. For $2000 or less I can get a banger fat-tire eBike which I can use to navigate around town and take on camping trips and stuff.

4/18/2025

Another 3 miler down today. Closer to 3.5 again. Did the first mile and a half with the dog on some narrow trails at Roy G, then put her in the car on Dog Mode and banged out the rest of the set. She's actually a good training partner - she feels the need to run in front of me at all times but she kept good pace. Love ya bud.

Man, I haven't committed to shit in a long time. This blog is the only thing I've been keeping up with to be honest. And it's only now starting to become good enough for prime time. But I'm not announcing it or promoting it until the marathon, that'll give me time to write more compelling articles and keep swinging for the stars.

Hot AF today but still felt good. Earliest I've done it in this latest round of runs. Gunning for a 5K, then a 10K, and then we're going all the way to marathon this time. No rest for the wicked. If I maintain a light training schedule I can easily run the Austin Marathon next year. Just can't afford to fuck up again.

4/21/2025

Week 2 of the Hal Higdon 8 week training program. I will not stop running until I complete this program. Then I'm going to take off two weeks while I focus on yoga and strength training, then dive into the 10K training plan.

Eating wise, I'm going to focus on an Ensure and a Greek Yogurt with chia seeds, flaxseed and hemp seeds. I don't have the best attention span, so this is a good strategy to start. Today I ran 3 miles which was good. Maybe like 3.5 miles again, but I'm grateful I lowered my ego and just focused on the 5K plan. I'm able to run pretty consistently and there's no crazy sprints or 10 miler weekends early on. I think the longest run I'll do in this program is 7 miles, which is perfect. That's double the distance of a 5K, so I think for these shorter distances that's the sweet spot. Running 7 miles now makes it less scary when I start to approach the longer distances.

Went to sleep last night without using a gummy for the first time in a while which was good. The positive - was up earlier and got my run in. The negative - wasn't feeling blissed out watching anime but it's good to step away from the stuff you love and into the stuff you don't like to build discipline.

--

Read this a few days ago and thought it was great:

The bizzare marathon training of Joe Strummer from the Clash

The leader of the historic English band ran the Paris Marathon in 1982. And it wasn’t the only one, actually.

RunloversMartino Pietropoli

4/23/2025

Got in a 30 minute tempo run yesterday. I don't even really know what "tempo run" means, so I just ran at a light pace for 30 minutes. I did it at East Metro, my hilly AF training ground, so my pace wasn't amazing but it felt good. I'm grateful that I just started over with a 5K training plan. It's just enough running to keep me sharp and motivated week after week. The longest distance I'll run in this plan is 7 miles, which is great and it's not destroying my body. Plus, restarting with short distances is helping me identify the issues in my running technique. Overall, it's all good. This also makes this blog better as well. It'll be less focused on my misery and melodrama and more focused on performance and problem solving. Sendō, this website, will always be a reflection of my inner state. It's changing for the better.

I feel good and bad at the same time. On the positive, I feel like I'm finally figuring out the things I enjoy in the real world, and that'll lead me to my next job and career path. I feel bad because I'm crashing out at work and I absolutely can't afford to lose this job. So it's scary. But the running carries on.

--

Another 3 miler in the neighborhood and with sneakers. It's only week 2 of this program, week 3 of running consistently. But I'm clearly noticing that my running form is off. I focused on going low and slow today to try understand that a bit better. First mile and a half with no headphones, 2nd half with headphones. I tried to do one of those Running BPM playlists but it was all UK Drum & Bass so I couldn't get it into. Switched to Leonids and Get It By Your Hands (Hi-Evo Mix) by Hiroshi Watanabe and that did the trick.

4/28/2025

Five miler yesterday, and the last run of Week #2 of 8. It'll be the last run of this chapter as well, going to put a ribbon this thing today.

This new training plan was the best thing I could've done for myself. Five miles was tough yesterday, but the ramp up period has been gentle and it's a better fit for me. I've been feeling really frustrated that I'm still slow as shit but ChatGPT made me feel better about it. Two weeks in ain't shit. I haven't been running long enough to develop anything. So I'm going to keep going on this plan until I finish it and hit a 5K, then keep going until I finish the Marathon training plan and finish the damn thing!! It's either going to be this year or early 2026 but I will run a marathon and keep going.

I have a lot of little injuries that I didn't notice until I started playing golf. I absolutely I am putting down too much weight on my left leg when I run. And because I have flat feet, running feels awkward for the first mile or so. But the magic is already starting, I was able to get in the zone and just run without feeling the need to stop after a half-mile. At this current moment, I can probably do a 5K in one shot but it's still slow. So the work continues.

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